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i. Chair arm rests will evolve over the years into real arms and will be able to give people high fives by the year 20976 AD.
ii. Only the hippos of Brazil will survive the plague of the red tooth brush, in which all the toothbrushes colored red will turn teeth into yellow gummy bears and eventually become air born and spread to all the corners of the earth.
iii. Elvis is still alive; he is the owner and founder of the celebrity fake death society (CFDS).
iv. Unicorns have two clans. One group moved to the Arctic seas and the other clan went to Africa. The African unicorns drank all the water in Africa and became extremely fat- they lost their magic and are now known as rhinos- the arctic clan turned themselves into water creatures –known as narwhals. The two clans hate each other. And that is why if you put a rhino and a narwhal next to each other they will have a horn fight to the death.
v. It’s a little known fact the all of human technology comes from the great works of the lost civilization of the Alps of the west east shore bored of the country called Kansas. The locals are called Kanzians and are extremely intelligent and are often mistaken for big foot or very hairy hill billys.
vi. McDonalds owns EVERYTHING.
vii. When a child is born the doctor will always place a US government tracking chip in the babies earlobe, everyone has one.
viii. Apple has an app for everything except one that solves all your problems. The”OmniApp” will be released in 2023 AD.
ix. “The cat in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man on the moon” is the name of the biggest boy band ever. They become so rich that they buy the very concept of music. A charge is soon after placed on every sound that is made and the entire world rebels after three generations of silence. The Civil War of Sound last 1 day because the boy band got food poisoning.
x. Tacos are yummy.
xi. Tacos will always be yummy.
xii. Zero is greater than six because it has more letters and it sounds cooler.
xiii. North Korea will “attack” south Korea but at the last moment they will admit it was all a joke and give everyone ice cream cones and everyone will laugh it off, and go back home. Soon Kim Jung Un will be known as the world wide ice cream man.
xiv. When the sun explodes, we are all going to die.
xv. “STOP- hammer time” is 2015 August 23 at 2:37am EST it will last exactly 3 minutes and 45.04 seconds.
xvi. If you don’t eat your veggies, you will most likely die of a not yet discovered sickness called lackofveggitusicus which will be discovered after 6.3million people turn into giant talking veggies and are later used on the cast of Veggie Tales-Which is broadcasted to the past, using the time traveling broadcasting system.
xvii. Albinos are actually Vampire victims trying to live a normal life.
xviii. Shlaugs (intelligent slugs that hibernate for millenniums) will become the rulers of the world after the ninth WWIII.
xix. Don’t eat cats unless you shave it first and pluck its whiskers.
xx. Chili doesn’t grow chili peppers, it isn’t chili in chili, and most of all do not chill in chili because it lame there.
xxi. Monkey spiders don’t actually spin giant webs so don’t try to catch horse flies- which are not horses with fly heads- using a spider monkey web, although spider monkeys are the creators of double sided tape.
xxii. Pizza huts are actually African homes from a pizza planet, they came to earth to feed us extremely unhealthy pizza-like food that make humans really fat. So don’t eat there.
xxiii. Michael Jackson is a cyborg. He wore the white glove to hide his robot hand.
xxiv. 1 in every 10 people is secretly addicted to breathing oxygen.
xxv. If your lactose intolerant you are going to die in the year 2074 because of the great cheese invasion of the moon.
xxvi. I’ve seen the future and the past and the present and the meanwhile, they were all ugly.
xxvii. Don’t believe the weasels.
xxviii. If a lady bug does a dance, sing a song. Then step on the lady bug before they start a new dance craze called the L.B. Shake.
xxix. Don’t lick lima beans that have three eyes (liiima bean).
xxx. Halloween is a lie!!!
xxxi. Everyone is being brain washed at public schools by the quite ringing sound that comes from the lights.
xxxii. Don’t do turtles.
xxxiii. USA actually stands for Unicorn Sanctuary Association.
xxxiv. Anything that is the color white is actually an extremely light shaded of black.
xxxv. Roman Numerals are cool. And so are bow ties.
xxxvi. The Mayan calendar ended on 2012 Dec. 21 but that was a typo. It actually ends 2120002 Dec. 129.
xxxvii. Norway is a fake country that the world powers decided to create just for the heck of it.
xxxviii. The sky is actually an enormous globe shaped moving image (a digital screen) and is also a one was mirror. On the other side of the Sky Screen is a giant group of scientist who are conducting the biggest simulation of all time. We are all a part of the simulation experiment called “Earth”. We are actually from a species called BlahBlahs. The rest of our civilization is testing to see how we would have evolved if
we had been created with facial hair. The results were “Inconclusive”
This Proclamation was created and distributed by the
Emancipated Information Bureau™
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